Rising From The Ashes - An Interview with brenda ford
by Dr. Marci Bryant
Two thoughts come to my mind as I sit and talk with Minister Brenda Ford. First thought is that God truly is faithful; and second that God has no respect of persons. He will honor His word and bestow blessings on whomever, just as He will also allow His beloved mankind to suffer the consequences of his own actions. Minister Brenda, who has worked tireless in the church most of her adult life, had come to a place of giving up. She knew what the bible stated, she understood the sacraments, she gave of her time and money endlessly, yet she was still unfulfilled in ministry. She lost her home, at one time was estranged from a few members of her family. She has been a victim of vandalism; she has a limited physical condition that impedes her movement from time to time, often she has felt alone in this world full of people. When I asked her if she would like to tell her story, so that she might encourage someone else, she did not hesitate. So, without further ado, let me take you on a fascinating journey that is still being traveled.
Bryant-Vof1: Tell me about yourself, your childhood, was it a happy one?
Brenda: At five months old I was given away to my mom's aunt and uncle. I think for the most part I was happy but I had my moments. All of the neighborhood knew about me so I was teased and taunted by other children. I was often told that I was no good because my mom gave me away. My uncle used to tell me that I was going to be like “all those people in Columbus..no good.” “It's in your blood”, he would often say. I came to know he really loved me; he just didn't know how to express it the right way.
Bryant-Vof1: How about your teen years, any role models that you looked up to?
Brenda: By my teenage years I had very low self esteem. My aunt had died when I was 10 years old and my uncle was raising me. I would have to say my role models at that time were my Aunt Gladys (she was really my cousin) and her daughter Gloria. They took time out for me and tried to encourage me. They knew how my uncle could be. Gloria would often loan me her clothes so I could have something cute to wear to church.
Bryant-Vof1: As a young adult what were your aspirations?
Brenda: I wanted to be a secretary. Never wanted to go to college (I hated high school) a decision I regret today. But what I wanted the most was to get married and have children; that I would love unconditionally. I had a baby daughter at nineteen, got married at twenty, and had three more children. I used to day dream about being someone important and making a difference in the world, but I spent most of my time trying to be the best mother and wife I could be. I was trying to give my children what I didn't possess for myself...self-love.
Bryant-Vof1: Give me some examples of how this lack of “self-love” played out in your life…certain trials that you faced and overcame.
Brenda: Unfortunately my marriage fell apart. When I got a divorce I went into a deep depression. My self worth was at zero and yet I had to pretend for my children I was okay. I remember one day when I decided not go to work, that was going to be the day, I would commit suicide. First I thought about turning on the gas and just going to sleep. But something came to me that perhaps when the kids came home, put the key in the lock and set off a spark and they would be hurt or be blown up.
Then I thought about taking some pills. Then it came to me that my kids should not find me like that. Then I thought that I would get in the car, and run off a bridge, or run into a wall. But then, the thought came to me that perhaps I would not die, but would be a living vegetable.
After meditating on what I was going to do, the Lord spoke to me and asked me this question; “Are you going to trust the man you can't trust to love you, to love your kids, when you are gone?”I was so messed up at that time that I believed they deserved someone better than me to be their mom. But I could not trust leaving them to someone who might not care for them. Later on in life, I realized that my kids, and the help of the Lord, are what kept me from committing suicide. My love for my kids was stronger than the love I had for myself and I needed to live for them.
Then, in November of 2001, I lost my home and I got very depressed but I did not give up on God. I had to live with strangers for about 18 months and then another family for six months and then God open up the door for me to get my own place.
In Sept of 2004, I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, another health issue to add to hypertension and diabetes. It took four trips to the hospital, trying a bunch of different medications and praying before I could walk without getting out of breath and sleep lying down. During that time I often wondered was life worth living if I had to feel bad everyday. But God. The last time I went to the hospital for congestive heart failure (CHF) was February 2005. Glory be to God, I have not had another bout with) CHF. It is my understanding that you are in and out of the hospital with this disease, but that has not been the case with me. Glory be to God.
Around 2008, I got a sore on my right foot that would not heal. I actually had a hole in my foot. In the hospital, the first doctor I saw said that more than likely, they would have to cut that foot off and give me a prosthesis, because the foot was slightly deformed. Needless to say that did not happen. The test showed that my foot had the capacity to heal. I had to have three skin graphs, three or four blood gel applications. This is where they get a large vial of blood from you, spin out all the healing properties of the blood, and apply that gel to the wound. I had to stay off of my foot from October until July. I had many times that the foot would look like it was healing and then the wound would come back.
Because of the softening of the bones, my foot became more deformed, and I have what is known as cohort foot. I have a special boot and a shoe that keeps me from putting pressure on that part of my foot, and helps me keep my balance when I walk.
My last visit to the hospital I spoke these words over myself. “That this will be the last time I will be at the hospital for this procedure.” Six weeks later my foot was completely healed. I spoke healing, (and) I spoke with faith that God would do it, (and) he did.
I received a revelation from the Lord, one Sunday, while teaching Sunday school about my life. We were talking about how God gave “a just for me blessing.” I realized at that moment that God had allowed me to be raised by my uncle because he wanted something better for me. Living with my parents would have not allowed that to happen. What a great and awesome God!
Bryant-Vof1: Obviously things at some point began to turn around for you, tell me about that;
Brenda: This past July I went with my friend to Las Vegas to a Life Coach conference. This conference has changed my life. I heard all the speakers speaking positive things into the lives of those who were attendees. If you can dream it, you can do. Some were Christians some were not but they all left me such a positive uplifting attitude about myself. I retired in the year 2000. With all my illness I had become complacent. There was nothing left for me to do. I was in a dark place. I came back home and prayed and asked God not to let me lose the fire that had started to burn with in me. I began to clean up my act. I started with my home. I began throwing out things that were not necessary. I started cleaning up my mind. I got rid of those negative thoughts. I'm working on the body next. In order to help others I must first help myself. I thank God for taking me out of the darkness I was in and let me see that there is much for me to do. I don't have to be complacent. I have a work to do for the Lord, and it involves helping other people.
Bryant-Vof1: It is good to see that you have gotten past that point of wanting to end it all, but if you could state, what that one most pivotal point was that brought you to that place. What was it?
Brenda: Probably the becoming handicapped. I wasn't able to drive anymore because of my foot and the cataracts on my eyes. I lost too much of my independence and found myself needing help to do what I used to be able to do for myself. To tell you the truth, I really thought I was doing ok - not great, but okay. That trip to Las Vegas and being around positive people showed me that I wasn't okay. There was still a lot I could do.
Bryant-Vof1: How do you believe that God kept you through all these times?
Brenda: I could have fallen back into that depressed state, but I didn't. I kept going to church and reading the Word and praying. Like I said, I didn't think I was that bad off. God knew He wanted something better for me, but the timing had to be God's. God gave me the insight into myself so that I could work on myself. I believe with all my heart that God has something great planned for me. I just have to walk into my destiny. My handicap will not hold me back. If I can't run, I will walk. If I can't walk, I will crawl. If I can't crawl, I will get a scooter. No matter what I will not give up. God has never given up on me. Hallelujah!
Bryant-Vof1: While we know in our hearts that our family and friends care about us, how did you cope with knowing that they didn't seem to understand your plight?
Brenda: Well, I tried to remember what it was like when I was younger, raising a family, and working. I did not understand what it was like to deal with all that was happening to me. How could I expect someone else to? Age brings about wisdom and knowledge, which allows one to understand the afflictions of others. Although she didn’t raise me, my mother use to say, “You can't put an old head, on young shoulders.” I didn’t doubt that my family loved me. I just knew they just don't understand what I was going through and they just didn’t know how to help apart from being there. Thank God that the Lord was, and still is, on my side and He always has a ram in the bush. God really does supply all my needs!
Bryant-Vof1: What were some of the encouraging things and or people that kept you holding on?
Brenda: There were times when I was at my lowest, God would send someone to give me an encouraging word, or buy my groceries for the month, pay a bill for me when I didn't have the money, take me out to dinner or the movies when I was feeling lonely, call me up and pray with me, when they knew I was having a rough time of it. God always supplies all my needs.
Bryant-Vof1: I understand now that you are undertaking a new path in your life, tell me about that? How did it come about?
Brenda: Yes I am. I am so excited. I have joined the Public Speakers Association, and am a newly appointed Director. I will be opening one of two chapters so far, here in Columbus, Ohio. My chapter will be called The Metro Columbus Chapter. My meetings will be once a month for members of the PSA's and their guest in the Columbus area. We will be teaching the small business owners, entrepreneurs, and others about marketing strategies, how to grow their market, how to build their confidence, and create more than one stream of income. This came about because I am ready to come out of retirement and set the world on fire. I was asked, if I was interested. I had made a promise to God, a while ago, that I would not let another opportunity come my way, and I not accept it. I'm looking forward to see where all of this will take me.
Bryant-Vof1: What are your plans for growing your Association?
Brenda: I definitely will share this with my family and friends who are doing small businesses and ministries. I am going to seek the small business owner in the inner city who may not know they can afford some marketing classes. I want to reach as many small business owners as possible.
Bryant-Vof1: How do you anticipate helping others?
Brenda: I also want to become a life coach. I have a lot of wisdom from living and I would love to help others help themselves. Some times we need someone to guide us so we can find our way and I would like to be that person.
Bryant-Vof1: What advice would you give to someone wanting to throw in the towel and walking away from his or her dreams?
Brenda: As long as you have breath in your body you can choose to make a difference. Quitting is not an option. We all have purpose and we need to find what our purpose is and get passionate about it. You may not get it right the first time out, but keep trying. God has something for you to do. Get up and keep it moving. Getting old, got disabilities, and can't do what you use to do…KEEP IT MOVING ANYWAY. You still have a work to do. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!
Minister Ford was a delight to talk with and I feel certain that we will be hearing great things from her. If you live in the Metro Columbus area, consider joining her PSA chapter.
Email Brenda Ford at: blford056@aol.com
Two thoughts come to my mind as I sit and talk with Minister Brenda Ford. First thought is that God truly is faithful; and second that God has no respect of persons. He will honor His word and bestow blessings on whomever, just as He will also allow His beloved mankind to suffer the consequences of his own actions. Minister Brenda, who has worked tireless in the church most of her adult life, had come to a place of giving up. She knew what the bible stated, she understood the sacraments, she gave of her time and money endlessly, yet she was still unfulfilled in ministry. She lost her home, at one time was estranged from a few members of her family. She has been a victim of vandalism; she has a limited physical condition that impedes her movement from time to time, often she has felt alone in this world full of people. When I asked her if she would like to tell her story, so that she might encourage someone else, she did not hesitate. So, without further ado, let me take you on a fascinating journey that is still being traveled.
Bryant-Vof1: Tell me about yourself, your childhood, was it a happy one?
Brenda: At five months old I was given away to my mom's aunt and uncle. I think for the most part I was happy but I had my moments. All of the neighborhood knew about me so I was teased and taunted by other children. I was often told that I was no good because my mom gave me away. My uncle used to tell me that I was going to be like “all those people in Columbus..no good.” “It's in your blood”, he would often say. I came to know he really loved me; he just didn't know how to express it the right way.
Bryant-Vof1: How about your teen years, any role models that you looked up to?
Brenda: By my teenage years I had very low self esteem. My aunt had died when I was 10 years old and my uncle was raising me. I would have to say my role models at that time were my Aunt Gladys (she was really my cousin) and her daughter Gloria. They took time out for me and tried to encourage me. They knew how my uncle could be. Gloria would often loan me her clothes so I could have something cute to wear to church.
Bryant-Vof1: As a young adult what were your aspirations?
Brenda: I wanted to be a secretary. Never wanted to go to college (I hated high school) a decision I regret today. But what I wanted the most was to get married and have children; that I would love unconditionally. I had a baby daughter at nineteen, got married at twenty, and had three more children. I used to day dream about being someone important and making a difference in the world, but I spent most of my time trying to be the best mother and wife I could be. I was trying to give my children what I didn't possess for myself...self-love.
Bryant-Vof1: Give me some examples of how this lack of “self-love” played out in your life…certain trials that you faced and overcame.
Brenda: Unfortunately my marriage fell apart. When I got a divorce I went into a deep depression. My self worth was at zero and yet I had to pretend for my children I was okay. I remember one day when I decided not go to work, that was going to be the day, I would commit suicide. First I thought about turning on the gas and just going to sleep. But something came to me that perhaps when the kids came home, put the key in the lock and set off a spark and they would be hurt or be blown up.
Then I thought about taking some pills. Then it came to me that my kids should not find me like that. Then I thought that I would get in the car, and run off a bridge, or run into a wall. But then, the thought came to me that perhaps I would not die, but would be a living vegetable.
After meditating on what I was going to do, the Lord spoke to me and asked me this question; “Are you going to trust the man you can't trust to love you, to love your kids, when you are gone?”I was so messed up at that time that I believed they deserved someone better than me to be their mom. But I could not trust leaving them to someone who might not care for them. Later on in life, I realized that my kids, and the help of the Lord, are what kept me from committing suicide. My love for my kids was stronger than the love I had for myself and I needed to live for them.
Then, in November of 2001, I lost my home and I got very depressed but I did not give up on God. I had to live with strangers for about 18 months and then another family for six months and then God open up the door for me to get my own place.
In Sept of 2004, I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, another health issue to add to hypertension and diabetes. It took four trips to the hospital, trying a bunch of different medications and praying before I could walk without getting out of breath and sleep lying down. During that time I often wondered was life worth living if I had to feel bad everyday. But God. The last time I went to the hospital for congestive heart failure (CHF) was February 2005. Glory be to God, I have not had another bout with) CHF. It is my understanding that you are in and out of the hospital with this disease, but that has not been the case with me. Glory be to God.
Around 2008, I got a sore on my right foot that would not heal. I actually had a hole in my foot. In the hospital, the first doctor I saw said that more than likely, they would have to cut that foot off and give me a prosthesis, because the foot was slightly deformed. Needless to say that did not happen. The test showed that my foot had the capacity to heal. I had to have three skin graphs, three or four blood gel applications. This is where they get a large vial of blood from you, spin out all the healing properties of the blood, and apply that gel to the wound. I had to stay off of my foot from October until July. I had many times that the foot would look like it was healing and then the wound would come back.
Because of the softening of the bones, my foot became more deformed, and I have what is known as cohort foot. I have a special boot and a shoe that keeps me from putting pressure on that part of my foot, and helps me keep my balance when I walk.
My last visit to the hospital I spoke these words over myself. “That this will be the last time I will be at the hospital for this procedure.” Six weeks later my foot was completely healed. I spoke healing, (and) I spoke with faith that God would do it, (and) he did.
I received a revelation from the Lord, one Sunday, while teaching Sunday school about my life. We were talking about how God gave “a just for me blessing.” I realized at that moment that God had allowed me to be raised by my uncle because he wanted something better for me. Living with my parents would have not allowed that to happen. What a great and awesome God!
Bryant-Vof1: Obviously things at some point began to turn around for you, tell me about that;
Brenda: This past July I went with my friend to Las Vegas to a Life Coach conference. This conference has changed my life. I heard all the speakers speaking positive things into the lives of those who were attendees. If you can dream it, you can do. Some were Christians some were not but they all left me such a positive uplifting attitude about myself. I retired in the year 2000. With all my illness I had become complacent. There was nothing left for me to do. I was in a dark place. I came back home and prayed and asked God not to let me lose the fire that had started to burn with in me. I began to clean up my act. I started with my home. I began throwing out things that were not necessary. I started cleaning up my mind. I got rid of those negative thoughts. I'm working on the body next. In order to help others I must first help myself. I thank God for taking me out of the darkness I was in and let me see that there is much for me to do. I don't have to be complacent. I have a work to do for the Lord, and it involves helping other people.
Bryant-Vof1: It is good to see that you have gotten past that point of wanting to end it all, but if you could state, what that one most pivotal point was that brought you to that place. What was it?
Brenda: Probably the becoming handicapped. I wasn't able to drive anymore because of my foot and the cataracts on my eyes. I lost too much of my independence and found myself needing help to do what I used to be able to do for myself. To tell you the truth, I really thought I was doing ok - not great, but okay. That trip to Las Vegas and being around positive people showed me that I wasn't okay. There was still a lot I could do.
Bryant-Vof1: How do you believe that God kept you through all these times?
Brenda: I could have fallen back into that depressed state, but I didn't. I kept going to church and reading the Word and praying. Like I said, I didn't think I was that bad off. God knew He wanted something better for me, but the timing had to be God's. God gave me the insight into myself so that I could work on myself. I believe with all my heart that God has something great planned for me. I just have to walk into my destiny. My handicap will not hold me back. If I can't run, I will walk. If I can't walk, I will crawl. If I can't crawl, I will get a scooter. No matter what I will not give up. God has never given up on me. Hallelujah!
Bryant-Vof1: While we know in our hearts that our family and friends care about us, how did you cope with knowing that they didn't seem to understand your plight?
Brenda: Well, I tried to remember what it was like when I was younger, raising a family, and working. I did not understand what it was like to deal with all that was happening to me. How could I expect someone else to? Age brings about wisdom and knowledge, which allows one to understand the afflictions of others. Although she didn’t raise me, my mother use to say, “You can't put an old head, on young shoulders.” I didn’t doubt that my family loved me. I just knew they just don't understand what I was going through and they just didn’t know how to help apart from being there. Thank God that the Lord was, and still is, on my side and He always has a ram in the bush. God really does supply all my needs!
Bryant-Vof1: What were some of the encouraging things and or people that kept you holding on?
Brenda: There were times when I was at my lowest, God would send someone to give me an encouraging word, or buy my groceries for the month, pay a bill for me when I didn't have the money, take me out to dinner or the movies when I was feeling lonely, call me up and pray with me, when they knew I was having a rough time of it. God always supplies all my needs.
Bryant-Vof1: I understand now that you are undertaking a new path in your life, tell me about that? How did it come about?
Brenda: Yes I am. I am so excited. I have joined the Public Speakers Association, and am a newly appointed Director. I will be opening one of two chapters so far, here in Columbus, Ohio. My chapter will be called The Metro Columbus Chapter. My meetings will be once a month for members of the PSA's and their guest in the Columbus area. We will be teaching the small business owners, entrepreneurs, and others about marketing strategies, how to grow their market, how to build their confidence, and create more than one stream of income. This came about because I am ready to come out of retirement and set the world on fire. I was asked, if I was interested. I had made a promise to God, a while ago, that I would not let another opportunity come my way, and I not accept it. I'm looking forward to see where all of this will take me.
Bryant-Vof1: What are your plans for growing your Association?
Brenda: I definitely will share this with my family and friends who are doing small businesses and ministries. I am going to seek the small business owner in the inner city who may not know they can afford some marketing classes. I want to reach as many small business owners as possible.
Bryant-Vof1: How do you anticipate helping others?
Brenda: I also want to become a life coach. I have a lot of wisdom from living and I would love to help others help themselves. Some times we need someone to guide us so we can find our way and I would like to be that person.
Bryant-Vof1: What advice would you give to someone wanting to throw in the towel and walking away from his or her dreams?
Brenda: As long as you have breath in your body you can choose to make a difference. Quitting is not an option. We all have purpose and we need to find what our purpose is and get passionate about it. You may not get it right the first time out, but keep trying. God has something for you to do. Get up and keep it moving. Getting old, got disabilities, and can't do what you use to do…KEEP IT MOVING ANYWAY. You still have a work to do. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!
Minister Ford was a delight to talk with and I feel certain that we will be hearing great things from her. If you live in the Metro Columbus area, consider joining her PSA chapter.
Email Brenda Ford at: blford056@aol.com