Released: In Search of A King - An Interview with Author Andrea Gadson (Full Interview)
A fictional story with real personal, family, societal and spiritual impact
by Rev. Terrence G. Clark Chief Editor Voice of One Online
Andrea Gadson Complete Interview
The following interview is edited and adapted from an interview with author Andrea Gadson on --------2015 revolving around her new book---In Search For A King.
Terrence: Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Andrea: I don’t know how far you want to go back so I’ll start a little in the present and move back. Currently, I live in the Southern New Jersey. I am married to a wonderful man. A wonderful accountability partner and a wonderful friend Derek Gadson. We have known each other for what seems like a lifetime. We’ve met in college so we’ve been married for 10 yrs and known each other for twenty plus.
I grew up in the North Philadelphia area behind the Uptown Theater. I went to the theater quite a lot when I was a child. I grew up in that area until I was about 12, then we moved to the Logan area right next to Olney. There I went to an all girl’s high school. I stayed in the area and went to Drexel University, graduated from Drexel and went into to an IT field.
I have a lot of history in business. I am currently a Training and Program manager which combines business, IT and the gift of teaching the Lord has given me. I love teaching, and in my career how it works along with the gift of administration. I hate being so organized, but it’s my gift. It helps balance in my marriage and other places.
Still, my deepest heart has always been to write. I wanted to write ever since sixth grade. I was actually thinking about going into journalism when I graduated high school. But guided by my Mom. I ended up going into technology, but I never, never lost my desire to write. I always felt like the Lord called me to write. I always felt like when you’re a writer He’s giving you the responsibility to be a messenger. Someone that is taking words that were scribed, taking the message to other places, for other people to hear---that’s always been a nagging piece of me. And although, I’ve written tons of journals I’ve never taken the plunge to publish until recently. So, that’s why we’re here today.
Terrence: Andrea, we’re going to jump right into this. I like to go into the background of folk and find out what made them, caused them, and inspired them to do what they do. I mean, folks can read the book. They can get that message from the book. And, I do want to talk about the book, because this is such a deep topic. The book talks about sexual abuse and particularly childhood sexual abuse. What is the statistics behind this? How much of this kind of thing actually goes on?
Andrea: Very good question. I don’t have the exact statistics. I have a nature related to it and some information. When I say nature---just an understanding that it’s still a prevalent problem today. I don’t know specific numbers.
by Rev. Terrence G. Clark Chief Editor Voice of One Online
Andrea Gadson Complete Interview
The following interview is edited and adapted from an interview with author Andrea Gadson on --------2015 revolving around her new book---In Search For A King.
Terrence: Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Andrea: I don’t know how far you want to go back so I’ll start a little in the present and move back. Currently, I live in the Southern New Jersey. I am married to a wonderful man. A wonderful accountability partner and a wonderful friend Derek Gadson. We have known each other for what seems like a lifetime. We’ve met in college so we’ve been married for 10 yrs and known each other for twenty plus.
I grew up in the North Philadelphia area behind the Uptown Theater. I went to the theater quite a lot when I was a child. I grew up in that area until I was about 12, then we moved to the Logan area right next to Olney. There I went to an all girl’s high school. I stayed in the area and went to Drexel University, graduated from Drexel and went into to an IT field.
I have a lot of history in business. I am currently a Training and Program manager which combines business, IT and the gift of teaching the Lord has given me. I love teaching, and in my career how it works along with the gift of administration. I hate being so organized, but it’s my gift. It helps balance in my marriage and other places.
Still, my deepest heart has always been to write. I wanted to write ever since sixth grade. I was actually thinking about going into journalism when I graduated high school. But guided by my Mom. I ended up going into technology, but I never, never lost my desire to write. I always felt like the Lord called me to write. I always felt like when you’re a writer He’s giving you the responsibility to be a messenger. Someone that is taking words that were scribed, taking the message to other places, for other people to hear---that’s always been a nagging piece of me. And although, I’ve written tons of journals I’ve never taken the plunge to publish until recently. So, that’s why we’re here today.
Terrence: Andrea, we’re going to jump right into this. I like to go into the background of folk and find out what made them, caused them, and inspired them to do what they do. I mean, folks can read the book. They can get that message from the book. And, I do want to talk about the book, because this is such a deep topic. The book talks about sexual abuse and particularly childhood sexual abuse. What is the statistics behind this? How much of this kind of thing actually goes on?
Andrea: Very good question. I don’t have the exact statistics. I have a nature related to it and some information. When I say nature---just an understanding that it’s still a prevalent problem today. I don’t know specific numbers.
I do know---and this information given recently came from the National Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM). April was Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Its website is a national sexual violence resource center. It is where I got some of my information. It explains that within our lifetime one out of every four women will experience some form of abuse.
So that statistic kind of includes both sexual abuse, rape, and all other kinds of abuse from childhood to adult. IT includes rape and things of that nature. With men, I think the number was 1 in 18. I can give you more specifics later. I don’t want to commit to a number. I can give you more specifics later. it is actually is on my website. I pulled that information off the site, but for me the nature of it is that it is still very prevalent. What we’re seeing is we can’t get an exact statistic because it is still under reported. Lots of people, it will happen to them and they may not share it. So it is not uncommon to come across an adult these days who share---"Well yeah this happened to me as a child. there are a number of reasons I didn’t want to share. I didn’t want to tell my parents or I didn’t do this.’
Today in our society we’re much better. In our school, we’re training our kids your body is your body and nobody should touch it. And if somebody does touch in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, this is how you communicate that this happened. So, we’re a little bit better today. We are educating our kids so we’re a lot better. I should give credit where credit is due, cause we’re doing a lot better in educating our kids. The book targets young adults and adults. I come across a lot of adults reading the book or just talking to someone. It is the first time they get to share, ‘this happened to me when I was a kid, but I never told anybody.’
Terrence: Other than just crime and disgust in molestation, what do you believe is a social impact on society? In other words, how has this crime affected people and families?
Andrea: This the world of Andrea coming from a personal experience. Coming from what I observed as I come across other people's experience of childhood sexual abuse.
Firstly and familiarly within a family the impact tends to be that person or the person who is the victim, they tend to go through a lot of physical emotional and psychological damage. And it comes out in the family relationship where you see that person maybe they’re experiencing some physical…I guess results in terms of over eating, more prevalent today is this idea of more people cutting themselves, they’re doing violence to their own bodies.
So that statistic kind of includes both sexual abuse, rape, and all other kinds of abuse from childhood to adult. IT includes rape and things of that nature. With men, I think the number was 1 in 18. I can give you more specifics later. I don’t want to commit to a number. I can give you more specifics later. it is actually is on my website. I pulled that information off the site, but for me the nature of it is that it is still very prevalent. What we’re seeing is we can’t get an exact statistic because it is still under reported. Lots of people, it will happen to them and they may not share it. So it is not uncommon to come across an adult these days who share---"Well yeah this happened to me as a child. there are a number of reasons I didn’t want to share. I didn’t want to tell my parents or I didn’t do this.’
Today in our society we’re much better. In our school, we’re training our kids your body is your body and nobody should touch it. And if somebody does touch in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, this is how you communicate that this happened. So, we’re a little bit better today. We are educating our kids so we’re a lot better. I should give credit where credit is due, cause we’re doing a lot better in educating our kids. The book targets young adults and adults. I come across a lot of adults reading the book or just talking to someone. It is the first time they get to share, ‘this happened to me when I was a kid, but I never told anybody.’
Terrence: Other than just crime and disgust in molestation, what do you believe is a social impact on society? In other words, how has this crime affected people and families?
Andrea: This the world of Andrea coming from a personal experience. Coming from what I observed as I come across other people's experience of childhood sexual abuse.
Firstly and familiarly within a family the impact tends to be that person or the person who is the victim, they tend to go through a lot of physical emotional and psychological damage. And it comes out in the family relationship where you see that person maybe they’re experiencing some physical…I guess results in terms of over eating, more prevalent today is this idea of more people cutting themselves, they’re doing violence to their own bodies.
It may manifest in their relationships with family members. With people outside of the family, they don’t trust anyone. And I think, they, inclusive of myself, because some of this is what I went through. We don’t trust anyone. It may psychologically come out in terms of experiencing depression. So these are the things that the family may see if the person didn’t share it.
These are some of the outward signs that the family may see. If the person did share it the family may go through the inability to know how to deal with it. And I talked about adults earlier, there were not that many resources, enough resources as we have today. In the book I deal with this, the family may choose to ignore it as if it never happened or in some cases, and it’s just a mere, and it’s not like you’re doing it on purpose it sort of like the person is a pariah. Like that’s nasty, like that happened to you, and you did that to whatever family member you were involved with.
So, it has that kind of impact within the family and sometimes not being able to deal with it, not being able to openly converse about it or get the tool you need to work through it. And as a result, some family relationships kind of go forward in darkness or end up being wounded where that person doesn’t communicate with their family.
Terrence: Is there a way to prevent this? What can we do to prevent this from happening to families? Prevention is always better than dealing with it after it happened to the family. Is there a way to recognize it?
Andrea: I am also a supporter of an organization called RAINN. It stands for Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network. It’s an organization that a lot of celebrities also support. The organization’s website gives specific signs on how to recognize if a child is being sexually abused. It does come out in terms of physical signs. If you are a teacher you may notice a child has trouble going to the bathroom or something like that or it’s painful. Or, they may be a little bit more sexually educated than they need to be for their age. That’s means they’ve seen or have being exposed to something they shouldn’t be exposed to.
There are also some emotional signs. A child might be a little bit more withdrawn. They may be a little more inhibition in trusting people. They don’t talk to people. They don’t connect with people. Those are signs for a lot of things. However, if you are seeing these signs, you want to engage this child and give them the freedom to talk. You ask, is there something you want to share with me? Those are some of the signs you might see if this is going on in the family.
You didn’t tell me to do this, but for a moment I’m going to take it strictly to my situation. There were no real outward signs. My parents were not together so I visited my father on those regular---you get your children on this weekend kind of things. And as it was going on, the signs back at home weren’t as overt as I’m describing here. They were more kind of emotional. I became more withdrawn.
Outwardly, a parent might think, she going through those teenage years, not wanting to talk to anybody. So, I think, if you know your child’s behavior is one way and suddenly it has changed significantly, it might be time to allow them to talk. It might be time to engage them more, to get them to talk you about what’s going on and begin to watch them more closely.
Are you seeing things after they return from a visit with someone? Or, while a specific person is around their demeanor changes? Those kinds of things. You have to question. You have to give them a chance to talk. You have to become more observant. Those are some of the signs from my personal experience.
The second part of the question you asked me, how do I prevent it? And this is me, there will be plenty of psychologists who will have an opinion. Counselors who will have an opinion. I am a woman with experience who wants to see people healed and so to me this is a spiritual situation. The prevention can only come about when people learn two things. The first thing is just because someone does something awful to you doesn’t mean you need to turn around and do awful to the next person. And that’s what you’ll see in a lot of sexual abuse situations, the abuser had an experience that was so heinous to them that their only way to deal with it was to be heinous to another person.
The second way to prevent it is to understand it is a spiritual problem and that we as a church can’t ignore it. We have to give people the opportunity to talk about it. And this is very hard for people to take if you’ve been abused. You almost have to open a forum for the abuser. Which is an opportunity for you to get outright help and then to take you out of the situations where you might be harming someone else.
So understanding to the church, there is a responsibility to the victim, but it is also a responsibility to the abuser. I think even now as a church, we’re just getting around to our responsibility to the victim. And we’re just handling that. But the problem is---is if you never handled the abuser, they continue to go on and do it to someone else. And helping the victim, you’re teaching them you can’t go hurt anybody else. You can’t this to anybody else. This has to stop with you. But if we never deal with a person who created that cycle of abuse and then now they’re abusing someone, they just go ahead and continue to do it.
Terrence: Thank God for groups like RAINN who help to deal with this type of thing, how do you prevent the witch hunters that interpret things that may not necessarily be abuse. I mean, like the child, because they didn’t like what their parents told them. So, hey guess what my mommy or daddy did to me? How do you keep that stuff out of the picture?
Andrea: How do you keep it from happening? Your question is something that is always on my mind. If this is really happening to a child, how do we prevent it from turning into a situation where it is not happening to the child?
For some reason, for example, it might be a contentious situation between parents. The mother is planting or the father is planting something in the child’s head. And now they think something happened that really didn’t happen. So, how do we watch out for those types of things?
Historically, if the child says that it happened, then we believed that it happened. And I think that you have to give the child the benefit of the doubt. But you also have to give the alleged abuser the benefit of the doubt and do the investigation. It begins with just not assuming, yeah it did happen, but it begins with putting things in place that says ok this person has accused this person of this. You have to separate them. So if the child is saying a boyfriend did it, the boyfriend can’t come stay in the house until we find out what truly happened.
And then we have to investigate. So it’s a matter of asking questions. And it’s hard instead of asking for specifics like when did this happened and tell me what went on. What did you experience, where it happened? So that if it did happen, those facts would come out. I believe that if it did happen, those facts would come out. And that to me is how we get to not have people falsely accused.
As you can see historically when someone is falsely accused, it changes your life. It’s why we have the Megan’s Law. But even now there are people on that list that didn’t do what they are accused of and they can’t get off the list. For me, it’s all about let’s do our best to get to the truth. I’m not going to keep sending a child into a situation where it’s allegedly going on until I prove it’s going on. No, we pull them out of that environment. We pull that person away from them. We begin to do the investigation of getting to the truth. And doing an outright confrontation where it’s not stamping on you, but here are the things we have as proof. Not proof but here are things we have that are being told as facts. How can you counter this and tell us how can you explain how to really do the investigation part of it?
There are organizations that do that investigation and I’ll admit it, I’m a little weak on it. I’ll have to talk to more of my friends about how that investigation processes. Sometimes the investigation doesn’t yield and we find out the child really wasn’t abused. But as a family member, if my child came and told me this is going on, I’m taking those steps first to separate them and then to get to the facts.
Terrence: So if I’m hearing correctly, it is not a case of guilty until proven innocent, but we still can’t ignore.
Andrea: You can’t ignore it. And I’m not talking about a case of a person who has a history of it. If a person has a history of abusing we have laws that say you can’t be a certain many feet of children or a school. I’m talking about cases where we never seen this before and all of a sudden this child is saying it is happening.
Terrence: I am going to go to another level of this. I know from your bio that you were a victim of abuse and you stated it during this interview also. So, how is the character, Mimi Combs, like you and not like you?
Andrea: I’ll say in ways that she is like me, the experience that she had emotionally and so there were days I was considering killing myself. There were times that my self-esteem was so low I put myself in a situation where I look back today I’m like---what the heck was I thinking. Hindsight they say is always 20/20. You go---what on earth was on my mind? From the emotional impact of being sexually abused can have on you where you feel I did something wrong this happened because of me. Those are some of the ways I can relate to Mimi. The other ways that this story is uniquely Mimi’s?
Mimi represents women and men who’ve gone through some level of violation as a child and having to deal with that as you matured into an adult. People who have not been able to get healed or being able to release it. Mimi in other ways represents her own story but also a summary of other people's stories. And so where you see the levels she went through with her involvement with Xavier, that’s not my story, that’s Mimi’s story.
But some of the places she put herself in, and where she ended up, because she felt that sex was the way to show someone you love them, she ends up continually getting abused. She ends up getting another level of abuse as an adult. So those pieces, in the depth of her story of some of the things that she went through are not my story. Still, I can emotionally relate to Mimi, because of the impact of someone that you trust. Someone who is like your king and then that person coming back and doing something that is no longer making them trustworthy. It affects not only the mind but the body and the soul. That’s my story in Mimi. But there are aspects that are fully hers and also represent other people’s collective story.
Terrence: That’s good. You answered a few questions that readers would want to know. How did build her character, where did you pull from? I put some of it to good writing. I know you’re telling Mimi’s story, but although as I was reading, I kept hearing your heart. Like you’ve said, we’ve only known each other for three years. I kept hearing your heart like you were getting the story out. I felt you through her and that was very good. If you want to comment on that you can.
Andrea: My heart that you felt in the story, and I’ll be very transparent, dealing with sexual abuse and healing from sexual abuse is not going happen every night. It’s not going to happen automatically is what I’m trying to say. That’s why my tagline says ‘Broken is easy, It’s healing that’s hard.’ But when you make the first step towards healing, it begins to place you where God had intended you be. The life He intended you walk. So, to me sexual abuse is sort of like a derailment. How do I get the train back on its tracks? So, what you hear when I’m writing about Mimi is that I understand. I understand brokenness. I understand that you’re still going through the process of healing. I’m still going through the process of healing.
I’m thinking that God is taking me every day closer, closer, closer to that end of where I live beyond my violation. I live beyond my sexual abuse. I live beyond it and that’s where He’s taking me. So what’s coming out of my writing is my heart for understanding that when someone does this to you, it breaks you---I understand the brokenness. And, I understand how hard it is to be healed. And honestly, when I first wrote it, I was very technical. When I first went through the book it was very technical. I’m giving you facts. I’m giving you details, but my heart wasn’t there.
The person who helped me understand---'you know your heart isn’t in this just yet,' was my husband. I’ll give a little plug from my second book. It’s about being married and dealing with somebody who has been physically abused or sexually violated and how that affects the marriage. And so, he is walking this with me while I tell this story. And the first time he kind of read it through, he said this isn’t you. Your heart isn’t here. And I had to go back and look at some pieces and I said, ‘I’m being very technical. I’m trying to be very professional. I’m like---no, no, no. What I needed to do was to bring the emotion and passion that Mimi was feeling. And because I am a very technical person, it took me a while to even write certain words.
Terrence. Well, you definitely succeeded in that, so kudos to your husband. This team effort has really worked. You changed the title from Letters to My Molester to Released: In Search of a King. Why?
Andrea: The Letters to My Molester’s title was to me very direct. It drew an audience, so there was no doubt that had you been an abuse victim---a sexual abuse victim from childhood, you would have known what this book was about. So you definitely would have picked it up and read it. I’m going to stop there. That wasn’t a guarantee. If you were having a hard time talking about your story, then that title, I can see somebody looking at it and saying, yeah that’s my story, but I don’t want anybody to know. And so choosing to walk past it and not pick it up and not start your path of healing and not begin to heal.
I didn’t want that to happen. I just couldn’t see that happening. Advice from my editor who had just recently edited a book from someone with the same kind of story. She said, I advised them their title is a little too hard-hitting and it might alienate them from the people they’re trying to reach. I said, ok, but I wasn’t going to change my title at first. But then it seemed like the Spirit was like ok, leaving me with the thought of I do not want to lose a group of people.
Men or women who need to start healing, who need to stop doing something to someone else. And I’m not just talking sexual abuse. A lot of time we’ll see anger coming out. And now I’m angry to other people. I’m unable to connect with other people. I’m actually just downright nasty to other people because of what happened to me. We talked about childhood sexual abuse just has a lot of different tentacles that are symptoms of what happened to you. So, I didn’t want somebody to miss that opportunity because I truly believe God gave me this to minister to people.
I don’t think I need a degree in counseling to do it. I’m just telling my story. And so, just to minister to people. So, with that in mind I went to my husband and we were talking about it. I talked to a couple of other people about it. I did a Facebook survey just to get some feedback on what people would think if you saw this title on a bookshelf. And, at the end I’m telling you in the eleventh hour, I’m praying and I’m praying and the Lord speaks to me. And, I hope this ends up in the article because I want to free some people. The way the Lord speaks to you may not be the way he speaks to me. And sometimes, I think we’re looking for God’s to audibly tell us what to do. And the Lord speaks to me through His Word. I start reading His word. Sometimes in the morning, He’s just giving me so much stuff. I started putting things like Morning Med on Facebook because sometimes it’s just pouring into me. And in this instance, I had prayed should I change this title. The Holy Spirit answered me. He was silent. He was silent. It was like He was saying I really kind of think I already told you what to do. I don’t even know why we’re talking. Honestly, I told you. I don’t even know why you’re here. So, the eleventh hour we were hunting for a new name and we came up with Released: In Search of a King. How it clicks, when you finally make that decision, all of a sudden you’re at peace. And that’s how it clicked. We made that decision it clicked. And, Mimi was able to release that burden and everything that came with being sexually abused. The search for a king who was like her daddy, she found it.
Terrence: Well, even with the new title, the heart of the story is still Letters to my Molester. It’s all through it. Or, if I can say, because what I read through the story, and as you shared in the interview, to help people. So, this is not just Mimi’s story to her molester, but it is also of all women or men out there. So it should be Letters to Molesters with an ‘S.’ I’m kind of asking this in a question. You can comment. Is the book better called Letters from the Abused and Voiceless?
Andrea: I like that thought. And I do believe it is representation there. Those people who especially when you’re a child because that’s when she starts this letter writing. And that letter writing morphs as she becomes more mature. So, yes. There are people who say ‘I can’t tell. I don’t want to tell---unable to tell.’ And, this is an opportunity for something to speak for them. Here’s my vision. Here’s how I see it happening. I see it happening. I am working on a workbook that will accompany this fictional story. The fiction story is a starting place.
So if you are that voiceless person, you cannot find the words to tell your own story. But in a personal environment, in a group environment, you’re able to read through this story. Mimi’s story and see your story and how you can relate. And then, you begin to say hmm, Mimi had this experience where she just felt unworthy---not worthy of anybody. ‘You say that’s exactly how I feel. But then I see that Mimi realizes she was worthy---that’s where I want to be and how do I get there? Who do I need to talk to?’
So, my vision is while the person is having that experience, you know that self-reflection. The book is now taking that voiceless part and giving it a voice. There will be tools that they can quickly put their hands on and start that process of---this is how I get to where I know I’m worthy. It starts in the workbook. It starts in resources like RAINN and The National Center for Sexual Violence resource center. It starts in those existing resources like that, but it’s just letting them know there are things out there they can go to. The key is for you to start.
My motto is always, the most important person in your success isn’t the people who help you along the way---It’s you, because you chose to make a step. So for me that’s my vision. That’s how I see this all working. You see her story even though it is a fiction---a tale, you begin to relate to it. The other day you and I were talking about entertainment. You can see how I wasn’t writing this book for entertainment. I was writing this book so you could say---I see my story. And I see where I need to start healing.
Terrence: I think this next question you have answered throughout the interview, but I’m going to ask the question anyway. You’re book currently pointed that the problems in Mimi’s life or with someone who’s been molested, do not end with the perpetrator being caught. In television, in some movies, mostly on television the climax comes when the criminal is caught. You reveal, it doesn’t end there. I know you talked about this, so briefly elaborate on this.
Andrea: It didn’t end with him being caught. So, yes the reason why I wanted to do that because his being caught wasn’t going to help her. A lot of times we think, ok I want him off the streets so I’m not scared of him, but that doesn’t mean you’re healed. That doesn’t mean you’ve gotten past it. You’ve read the book. When you go further in the book, she has to confront him. This is not for everybody you have to be ready to do this. My constant message throughout my workbook is that if you need professional counseling, I would recommend it.
Get counseling. Get somebody to walk you through the steps of how to get healed. Get that spiritual help…for me it was receiving Christ. So, get that spiritual element that you need and the professional element that you need. But until you walk through the forgiveness piece, until you walk through the getting to ask the person the questions you want to ask. The question you want to ask, almost always one hundred percent of the time is---why? I loved you. Why would you do this to me? That’s why I couldn’t end with him being caught. I couldn’t. You wouldn’t have seen her healing.
Terrence: In the book, there is this flow. I believe everybody who reads it will see that at the beginning of every relationship that Mimi got into---whether it was male or female that eventually it was going to go sour or end in hurt. How do you answer the accusation that the one who has been abused brings their ills upon themselves. I have heard people say they brought it on themselves? Because everywhere you go, that’s the kind of people they attract. So, how do you answer that, I mean obviously that’s not the case, but how would you answer somebody that said that?
Andrea: First of all, I have to take a second, because sometimes you answer too hastily, because you’re answering emotional. I can understand why that thought process on the surface may look that way. It’s not that the person brought that on themselves. I’ll be honest. There are times, where I would’ve looked up and said---eewe, because you did this. It’s because you went to this place. It’s because you dressed that way. Maybe you brought that on yourself. And, that’s not it. That’s not it. A lot of times, when we look at relationships, they tend to, kind of, end a little bit the way Mimi was seeing how her relationships end. It’s just because the person isn’t equipped. They just don’t have the tools. They just don’t know how to function in those situations. So, the way she was searching for her king and putting herself in certain situations, it was because that was all she knew. That was her incomplete formula. So to the accusation that she brought that on herself, you have to stop for a second and put it in a different perspective. The perspective is putting yourself in her shoes for a moment. You have to realize what has happened is she doesn’t have the tools, the equipment, or sometimes even the knowledge to know how to do something different.
Terrence: You’ve talked about this also---the workbook. How will the workbook aid in the healing of those being abused?
Andrea: The way the workbook is set up, it is intended so that it gives you an opportunity to sort of taking something that happened in the book and begin to reflect on it. Structurally, it gives you some background information. When you get to a chapter and there are chapters on everything you can imagine. There’s one chapter titled---Why Did This Happen To Me? Because it’s a question, the person’s asking, specifically is asking, Why did God let this happen to me? Those questions come out---Am I broken? Did he break me? Did she break me in doing this?
So, in each of those chapters is an opportunity to kind of look at from a spiritual perspective. Look at it from the story perspective so we can a specific example of what the chapters talking about and find it in the story, in Mimi’s story and we bring it forward and then we talk about it in the workbook. The workbook is designed so that if you’re not ready for a group discussion to start your healing process, you can still do this. So we discuss it. we talk through---this is how we saw it in Mimi’s story. Here is the spiritual aspect that’s related to it and then we give you an exercise. Some of it is you’re writing your own letters. Some of it is----you’re taking a step to find somebody that you really trust. Some of these are just examples of things that might happen. You’re taking a step to find somebody that you really trust and revealing to them that this happened to you. Be careful, although it’s always about being careful. I always say my goal is to protect the victim. I would never tell you to have that confrontation with the person by yourself. You still have to see if you’re ready. But I would encourage you to do something that maybe you are avoiding to do.
Number one, out loud saying, it did happen to me. This person I trusted, my uncle, my aunt and I’m purposely using language, so it’s not all men. Men aren’t the only abusers in the world. My eyes were opened to this in another story. It was in a movie. You might remember Antione Fischer. His abuser was a woman. So that told me, women do this? So I had to go look at some research that women do this. So, to answer your question, it’s understanding that an abuser can be anybody. We just have to keep ourselves open to that, and look for the healing in that.
Terrence: Mimi’s involvement with (???) is interesting. She went to his friend’s house for the purpose of having sexual relations, but the outcome was rape. Not justifying rape, of course, can we use this to give a word of warning to girls and young women? I hope that make sense. There’s sometimes when you shouldn’t be there.
Andrea: It ties a little bit to your previous question where you asked would you put yourself in that situation. The outcome in her particular scenario was that this young man raped her. My advice to young women is sex is not love. When you follow Mimi in the story, she did not know what love was. And so her explanation and her interpretation of love was sex. In her story, this young man showed her attention. He showered her with kind words. He seemed to be on her side.
She was in college when this happened. So, especially to very young women, you have to be careful about what you call love. Sex is not love. You have to be careful about the relationships that you create. Just because somebody is giving you that pat on the back and they’re acting like you’re in their corner, the test of time will tell whether or not somebody is in your corner. So that to me is the second part.
And the third part is, I’m a stronger proponent of not having sex before marriage. I’ve seen the outcome. I’m a strong proponent of that. I would say your physical aspects, your sexuality is your gift. And even if somebody violated it, that doesn’t mean they took it away from you. It is still yours to give. So that 3 pieces of advice.
I understood your question. I get what you’re saying. Anybody would say she went to that apartment for that specific person. Please, she shouldn’t have been there. And again, not having the tools of knowing what love is and she was equivocating sex to love. And again not realizing that this man was saying all these right things to her, but she didn’t give it the test of time, To see if he was really who he said he was. And not realizing that she still had control of her sexuality. You can’t give it away. I believe it’s yours to keep until God tells you who supposed to have it and that would be your husband.
Terrence: Andrea this is not a question, but you talking about her reality of what love was, it all went back to what happened with her father. He warped the whole image of what love is. In this case it was abuse but let's just say it was no abuse at all, the point is how much a father’s love impacts a child.
I’m just saying in general. In any family whether the father is there or not. How a father shows love or creates that image of love to his children. Whether, he spends time with them. Whether, he tells them that he loves them--- impacts a child. One of the scriptures that Jesus said in John says, ‘And the Father loves the Son.’ In those words, you got to picture how much God the Father loves God the Son. it was said with confidence, ‘The Father loves me.’
The whole image of love is there. What a responsibility God has given to fathers. So even with talking about abuse, and how it is repeated, at the same time, if a man in a household never receives how to show love from his father, then he doesn’t know how to passed that down to his kids, unless there’s an intervention from God the Father.
Andrea: What I was hearing as you were saying that, I like 1 John 4, where it talks about God, is love. We can’t love like Him, were not in Him. I like that whole thing in 1 John 4 because it really gets to the heart of why God created us. To me, it is out of His love. All He ask in return is our love. And all he ask in return is we love ourselves as much as He sees us. He knows us. I want you to love yourself and love others. And that is a simplistic message to me, but we are too broken to get it.
Terrence: At the end of the book, chapter 40, Ain’t You A Christian And All. Mimi’s first encounter with her father after his release from jail. She speaks a reason why he may have molested her such as having been molested himself. How does the revelation of this book brings deliverance to the abusers? So, again going back to the abusers, how does it help these people?
Andrea: The intention of the writing the book was to help the abused. But, if a by-product, and I love for that to happen, is that someone who is an abuser reads the book and says I need to stop. I need to get help. I need to be open that’s going to be difficult. I need to confess that this is happening. I need to profess that I’m doing this may be very difficult because we are still a society that that is a very heinous crime to us.
And we do this. We say are bad evil ugly person touching a kid. Now we don’t punish it that way. We punish people for stealing more than we punish for abusing and taking away somebody’s trust. But we kind of label them a certain way. So that’s why I think for many abusers who do want to stop and they don’t want this spiritual thing on them anymore and they don’t want whatever is making them do this to another child.
They don’t want that, but they also fear the repercussion of a society that says I know you’re going through a healing process and I don’t care. You’re an evil ugly person. They don’t want that. So, I want the abusers to just be able to see the impact of what they’re doing. Maybe you don’t clearly understand because nobody’s ever told you that when you’re touching another person and you’re touching a child, there is the impact of that touch. The impact of the violation of their body. So this is what happens and I want you to see and realize and get help for yourself. And you can’t stop by yourself, especially if you have a history of doing it, and there is something in your history that is making you behave this way. You can’t stop by yourself. You’re going to need help. But I wrote the story for the victim with idea also if you’re an abuser and I would love, love, love you to see that although you only saw you touching the person, here is the impact way down the line. Here’s how it is coming out for them. You got to stop.
Terrence: So let’s go back to Andrea. Andrea, has forgiveness and resolution happened in your life?
Andrea: It definitely has. So this is where I would say that there is a piece of me in Mimi’s story that is similar. That episode where she has to go to the hospital actually happened to me. I had to include it because to me it was the most powerful piece of how to share forgiveness. Until I forgave my father, I was never completely healed. I couldn’t even begin the process of healing until I realized that I had to let go. And to let go of…not to say to forget that it happened, but really saying it doesn’t have control over who I am going forward. It doesn’t define who I am going forward. It doesn’t stop me from achieving what I need to do in Christ going forward.
It’s a little bit different for me. I went to my father’s hospital bed. My father had a history of drug abuse. I really loved my daddy. My daddy was divorced when I was young. So my relationship to him was one of those weekend visits kind of thing. And at some point, when I revealed the abused to my mother she said he can no longer be in our lives. We went through this process, but he can no longer be in our lives. So for me, I didn’t know him for a good chunk of my life after I revealed to my mother that this was happening. And when I was called in to make a decision on his life, the only thing I could think was this is my chance to show him I forgive you.
I let go of what happened and I don’t know why you did it. I’m only going on the fact that you (he) practically killed himself out of drug abuse. So I’m only going that factor that your drug abuse is coming from somewhere. You got caught up in this because you needed to get relief. It’s not the right choice, but this is what you did. I just want you to know I forgive you. And that was more for me than for him. It was like I was talking to myself, because it started my ability to heal. It started my ability to be more confident because up until then my self-esteem was in the garbage. So it really started a lot of things for me when I said I forgive you.
Terrence: Andrea, I believe I found the code in your book. In “Mimi’s” meeting her king at the church and the pastor was speaking and the text was Psalm 139. Verse 1 says, 'You have searched me O’ Lord, and you know me.' And I tell you, what I believe is the text and I’ll ask the question to follow that. It sounds like her king, course we know is Jesus, have been searching for her all along from since the days of her grandmother. Could we say that what happened to her was not the center focus, but the devil’s ploy to interrupt what God had originally called her to be? Now, I’m asking that question for you to comment on because no matter what goes on in our life, I believe whatever the situation that the enemy tries to take us all back to stay at that point of the violation and we never move forward to our destiny. So, take a moment and comment on that. On people reaching their destiny in spite of what may have happened to them.
Andrea: I’m praising God because when we first started out and I said I wanted to write the book, and the book was a few years in making. I wrote it, put it down and picked it back up, and looked at it, and put it back down so a lot of that was happening. When I finally got serious and started to shape it, I started looking at some of the marketing I wanted to put around it and the messaging. One of those things was for me, God has set for us from birth because he knew us before were even blood vessels, before we were even cells, He knew us. So that’s why one of the chapters for me in the workbook is so important to say, Why Did God Let This Happen to Me? He didn’t let it happen.
There’s a whole bunch of stuff going on around you that is part of this image of our world. But I tell you He knew it was going to happen. And so to me God has created us from the time before we were even formed and shaped. He’s created us with a proper place. This is where you’re supposed to be. This is what your life is. This the destiny, the purpose. That’s what I’ve called you to do. And to me what I written down as part of preparing for the project and part of the messaging, I wrote down that to me sexual abuse is just a derailment. It’s something intended to get you off of your proper place. To pull you out of it. And there are so many people in the world that they are supposed to be doing things that God created them to do. And they can’t, because they can’t get passed what somebody did to them. I tell you the devil is a liar. He is not going to win. And I realize me even saying this to you, he’s going to try all of these things to challenge me in my only healing process, but I don’t care because there are too many people they’re supposed to be where God told them to be. They are not in their proper place because of this lifestyle being done to them and it derailed them.
Now there are people that were able to get passed it and they done so many great things. There are great stories where childhood sexual abuse is not the end of their story. So they got passed it. But there are so many other people who have been not able to do that. So they are stuck in situations without living the full complete abundant life. That’s what John 3 tells us. They’re not living the abundant life. And I’m not talking about wealth or fame, I’m talking about that fullness of what God created you to be. They’re not doing that because of a derailment, because of sexual abuse that was done to them. The enemy does say no you can’t get pass this---and they can. I’m sorry to be emotional, but you hit on what I wrote a year or two ago, when I started thinking this thing out, what I wanted to tell people. It is just a temporary derailment. You need to start healing, so you can get back to your proper place. Your place you’re supposed to be and that thing that God created you for before you were even born.
Terrence: The code---When I read Psalms 139 verse 1, the verse said You have searched me. I highlighted the word me, and then O Lord and you know me. I highlighted the word me. When I read it and I saw the word meme. I said oh, I found the code. The code in the book---that’s the “Mimi”.
Andrea: I didn’t even see that. You know that’s going to happen. Revelation is exactly that. The first time I’m going to say Rev. T showed me this. The second time I’m going to say somebody showed me this. The third time I’m going to say, I See. But that’s awesome, because when you asked me, nobody’s asked me yet why did you name the character ““Mimi””? And, I have no explanation. One day I’m sitting there and I’m like ““Mimi””. From there that became her name. I didn’t do any research. I can’t tell you if it has a meaning somewhere. Can’t do any of that for you. It just felt like that character should be called “Mimi”.
Terrence: The Holy Ghost knew and sometimes he brings confirming words back to us. He’s given the answer before the question comes. Amen.
Do you plan seminars and workshops related to this topic?
Andrea: Actually on my website, my website is Surrenderedpen.com. As you’re aware, I chose to self-publish and we talked about why I chosen to do this. So, the name of my publishing company is Surrenderedpen.com. On there, I offer a workshop, I would like to do at any church, group setting, or anywhere. The workshop is called “Write Your Own letter”. With the idea that it’s an opportunity. I tastefully do this in a way you’re not pulling people’s story. We’re using “Mimi” as a character to talk about her experience with the idea at some point you get to write your own letter from a voiceless person with a voice now. I have been able to work through some things. To me, it’s not like you’re going to have, “I’m Healed!” That’s not the purpose of the workshop. The purpose of the workshop is to get you started. Start a path of healing and that’s just by talking about what happened.
Terrence: So, you’re working on a “Mimi Combs” series. What can your readers and our readers expect next out of Andrea Gadson?
Andrea: I always struggle about what to give away if you haven’t read the book yet. But I’m going to give away something so I’m like I want you to read the book so you can follow and walk with “Mimi”. In the book, “Mimi” gets married. And so in the second book, as I explained earlier, the idea of trying to be an abused survivor and what I’m hearing lately “survivors”. Not only am I surviving, I’m living beyond my survival and I’m surviving. So, being a survivor in marriage, it’s difficult when you’re somebody who’s in love with somebody who’s been abused. And they still are struggling with some things. And we know marriage is a place where there is intimacy in all levels that needs to happen.
And so the second book deals with something called “Broken Bonds”. And so broken vows and that’s the essence of it. And not to give any away but the idea that now “Mimi” is in a marriage and levels of intimacy that she thought she was able to deal with, is she able to deal with them? And the third book is that the couple out of the second book, they have a child, and being a sexually abused victim you become, I say this as an aunt and as a god-mom, I have no children and even me not having biological children, I am violently over-protective of them. When the come to visit me, they cannot walk out the back door without me constantly looking out the back door.
So the third book is about being a survivor of sexual abuse and having children. And the impact of those relationships and the impact of watching your children grow up. And there are some experiences that “Mimi” is going to see with other children and their parents and how she has to deal with that. So seeing these things around you and within your own family as a survivor of sexual abuse. So the third one, I haven’t thought of a name. But, the second one deals with her being married to someone who is a survivor. And the third one is the survivor having children.
Terrence: And you’re working on other projects.
Andrea: I got what you call the writing bug. I just cannot stop from wanting to write all of these projects. And I’m like Holy Spirit, how are we going get all of these done? But I do believe, in Christ we can do all things. And how the scripture says if you commit yourself to the Lord and He will guide you. I constantly talk about Lord, order my steps, and commit my plans to Him because at the end no matter what I planned He’s the one to give the last word.
All those scriptures around plans, so I know we will accomplish it the way He wants it to be accomplished. If you look on my website, there are other book projects I’m working on. I’m working on a teen book that I have been working on for like three years. It’s a young adult book and it’s called “Jubilee”. You know in the Old Testament where Jubilee is right? So this is an opportunity for a teen to be representative of Jubilee in a community that is broken. Where there is violence there are all kinds of things going on. The concept for “Jubilee” is if you had a chance to change the world would you do it? At fifteen years old would you do it? So that’s what Jubilee is and there is another book I’m working on called “The Good Man”. That’s still in the works. It’s actually a partner project with my husband. I also have a couple of non-fiction projects I’ve been working on. With me is the difference I’m seeing in America, and sort of the stand I feel as Christians we’re going to have to take. And some of our abilities for religious freedom being threaten. And so I’m working on a non-fiction book for that.
Terrence: You have a lot going on. We’re looking forward to that. I can see out of the “Mimi Combs” character story, some plays and things like that. So is that something you ever entertained or thought about?
Andrea: I have thought about it and I receive it in any form that it happens. I have thought about a movie. Amazing how the enemy tries to work on you because I thought, but yeah they did movies like Precious and Antione Fischer. My book isn’t of that nature. And then I said, what, uh uh. Didn’t we do all of those Christian movies like The Passion of Christ, the Fireproof, and the War Room---coming up. We need more Christian movies. This can be one of them.
Terrence: What I read in the first book, Mimi’s encounters after what happened to her, was different. It’s not like I saw every movie or read every book, but it was different. And like you said, it’s always room. We need more. But I would say to you be encouraged because you tell the story differently. So move forward with that, please.
Andrea: I receive it. If the Lord opens that door I will walk in through it with Him. When He opens the door He doesn’t open it for just you to walk through.
Terrence: The title of your book is called, “In Search of a King”. Has Andrea Gadson found hers? Who is Jesus Christ in Andrea Gadson’s life?
Andrea: Has Andrea Gadson found her king? Yes, I have found my king. We have had a bumpy road together. And I say bumpy because I received Christ when I was in college. And receiving Christ and walking in Christ are two very different things. So, I received him, I stilled struggled so much with being sexually abused. A little like “Mimi” I practiced a lot of promiscuity and a lot of other things that were not pleasing to Him.
So I thank Him, there were many times that I’m not supposed to be here. And, He kept me. So I received Christ and the next few years of my life were learning how to walk in Him and getting back to that proper place to be all that He called me to be. I thank Him. He is my King. And, I thank Him that He is patient with me because I’m a little hard-headed.
Part B to the question for me the scripture in Psalm 139 talks about being fearfully and wonderfully made. So in my life, Jesus Christ is the one who constantly reminds me that He sees me. He hears me and He knows me. And most of my life have been searching for someone to recognize me and to approve me. And when I found Christ, I realized that the only person I needed to please (because they already loved me for who I was) was Jesus. And so for me, He has just been that constant reminder that I am fearfully and wonderfully made---that there is nothing ill in me. Nothing nasty in me. That being sexually abused doesn’t disqualify me from anything.
That’s who He is. He is a constant reminder that I love you no matter what you look like. No matter what happened to you. I love you. He’s the lover of my soul. He made a difference in my life.
These are some of the outward signs that the family may see. If the person did share it the family may go through the inability to know how to deal with it. And I talked about adults earlier, there were not that many resources, enough resources as we have today. In the book I deal with this, the family may choose to ignore it as if it never happened or in some cases, and it’s just a mere, and it’s not like you’re doing it on purpose it sort of like the person is a pariah. Like that’s nasty, like that happened to you, and you did that to whatever family member you were involved with.
So, it has that kind of impact within the family and sometimes not being able to deal with it, not being able to openly converse about it or get the tool you need to work through it. And as a result, some family relationships kind of go forward in darkness or end up being wounded where that person doesn’t communicate with their family.
Terrence: Is there a way to prevent this? What can we do to prevent this from happening to families? Prevention is always better than dealing with it after it happened to the family. Is there a way to recognize it?
Andrea: I am also a supporter of an organization called RAINN. It stands for Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network. It’s an organization that a lot of celebrities also support. The organization’s website gives specific signs on how to recognize if a child is being sexually abused. It does come out in terms of physical signs. If you are a teacher you may notice a child has trouble going to the bathroom or something like that or it’s painful. Or, they may be a little bit more sexually educated than they need to be for their age. That’s means they’ve seen or have being exposed to something they shouldn’t be exposed to.
There are also some emotional signs. A child might be a little bit more withdrawn. They may be a little more inhibition in trusting people. They don’t talk to people. They don’t connect with people. Those are signs for a lot of things. However, if you are seeing these signs, you want to engage this child and give them the freedom to talk. You ask, is there something you want to share with me? Those are some of the signs you might see if this is going on in the family.
You didn’t tell me to do this, but for a moment I’m going to take it strictly to my situation. There were no real outward signs. My parents were not together so I visited my father on those regular---you get your children on this weekend kind of things. And as it was going on, the signs back at home weren’t as overt as I’m describing here. They were more kind of emotional. I became more withdrawn.
Outwardly, a parent might think, she going through those teenage years, not wanting to talk to anybody. So, I think, if you know your child’s behavior is one way and suddenly it has changed significantly, it might be time to allow them to talk. It might be time to engage them more, to get them to talk you about what’s going on and begin to watch them more closely.
Are you seeing things after they return from a visit with someone? Or, while a specific person is around their demeanor changes? Those kinds of things. You have to question. You have to give them a chance to talk. You have to become more observant. Those are some of the signs from my personal experience.
The second part of the question you asked me, how do I prevent it? And this is me, there will be plenty of psychologists who will have an opinion. Counselors who will have an opinion. I am a woman with experience who wants to see people healed and so to me this is a spiritual situation. The prevention can only come about when people learn two things. The first thing is just because someone does something awful to you doesn’t mean you need to turn around and do awful to the next person. And that’s what you’ll see in a lot of sexual abuse situations, the abuser had an experience that was so heinous to them that their only way to deal with it was to be heinous to another person.
The second way to prevent it is to understand it is a spiritual problem and that we as a church can’t ignore it. We have to give people the opportunity to talk about it. And this is very hard for people to take if you’ve been abused. You almost have to open a forum for the abuser. Which is an opportunity for you to get outright help and then to take you out of the situations where you might be harming someone else.
So understanding to the church, there is a responsibility to the victim, but it is also a responsibility to the abuser. I think even now as a church, we’re just getting around to our responsibility to the victim. And we’re just handling that. But the problem is---is if you never handled the abuser, they continue to go on and do it to someone else. And helping the victim, you’re teaching them you can’t go hurt anybody else. You can’t this to anybody else. This has to stop with you. But if we never deal with a person who created that cycle of abuse and then now they’re abusing someone, they just go ahead and continue to do it.
Terrence: Thank God for groups like RAINN who help to deal with this type of thing, how do you prevent the witch hunters that interpret things that may not necessarily be abuse. I mean, like the child, because they didn’t like what their parents told them. So, hey guess what my mommy or daddy did to me? How do you keep that stuff out of the picture?
Andrea: How do you keep it from happening? Your question is something that is always on my mind. If this is really happening to a child, how do we prevent it from turning into a situation where it is not happening to the child?
For some reason, for example, it might be a contentious situation between parents. The mother is planting or the father is planting something in the child’s head. And now they think something happened that really didn’t happen. So, how do we watch out for those types of things?
Historically, if the child says that it happened, then we believed that it happened. And I think that you have to give the child the benefit of the doubt. But you also have to give the alleged abuser the benefit of the doubt and do the investigation. It begins with just not assuming, yeah it did happen, but it begins with putting things in place that says ok this person has accused this person of this. You have to separate them. So if the child is saying a boyfriend did it, the boyfriend can’t come stay in the house until we find out what truly happened.
And then we have to investigate. So it’s a matter of asking questions. And it’s hard instead of asking for specifics like when did this happened and tell me what went on. What did you experience, where it happened? So that if it did happen, those facts would come out. I believe that if it did happen, those facts would come out. And that to me is how we get to not have people falsely accused.
As you can see historically when someone is falsely accused, it changes your life. It’s why we have the Megan’s Law. But even now there are people on that list that didn’t do what they are accused of and they can’t get off the list. For me, it’s all about let’s do our best to get to the truth. I’m not going to keep sending a child into a situation where it’s allegedly going on until I prove it’s going on. No, we pull them out of that environment. We pull that person away from them. We begin to do the investigation of getting to the truth. And doing an outright confrontation where it’s not stamping on you, but here are the things we have as proof. Not proof but here are things we have that are being told as facts. How can you counter this and tell us how can you explain how to really do the investigation part of it?
There are organizations that do that investigation and I’ll admit it, I’m a little weak on it. I’ll have to talk to more of my friends about how that investigation processes. Sometimes the investigation doesn’t yield and we find out the child really wasn’t abused. But as a family member, if my child came and told me this is going on, I’m taking those steps first to separate them and then to get to the facts.
Terrence: So if I’m hearing correctly, it is not a case of guilty until proven innocent, but we still can’t ignore.
Andrea: You can’t ignore it. And I’m not talking about a case of a person who has a history of it. If a person has a history of abusing we have laws that say you can’t be a certain many feet of children or a school. I’m talking about cases where we never seen this before and all of a sudden this child is saying it is happening.
Terrence: I am going to go to another level of this. I know from your bio that you were a victim of abuse and you stated it during this interview also. So, how is the character, Mimi Combs, like you and not like you?
Andrea: I’ll say in ways that she is like me, the experience that she had emotionally and so there were days I was considering killing myself. There were times that my self-esteem was so low I put myself in a situation where I look back today I’m like---what the heck was I thinking. Hindsight they say is always 20/20. You go---what on earth was on my mind? From the emotional impact of being sexually abused can have on you where you feel I did something wrong this happened because of me. Those are some of the ways I can relate to Mimi. The other ways that this story is uniquely Mimi’s?
Mimi represents women and men who’ve gone through some level of violation as a child and having to deal with that as you matured into an adult. People who have not been able to get healed or being able to release it. Mimi in other ways represents her own story but also a summary of other people's stories. And so where you see the levels she went through with her involvement with Xavier, that’s not my story, that’s Mimi’s story.
But some of the places she put herself in, and where she ended up, because she felt that sex was the way to show someone you love them, she ends up continually getting abused. She ends up getting another level of abuse as an adult. So those pieces, in the depth of her story of some of the things that she went through are not my story. Still, I can emotionally relate to Mimi, because of the impact of someone that you trust. Someone who is like your king and then that person coming back and doing something that is no longer making them trustworthy. It affects not only the mind but the body and the soul. That’s my story in Mimi. But there are aspects that are fully hers and also represent other people’s collective story.
Terrence: That’s good. You answered a few questions that readers would want to know. How did build her character, where did you pull from? I put some of it to good writing. I know you’re telling Mimi’s story, but although as I was reading, I kept hearing your heart. Like you’ve said, we’ve only known each other for three years. I kept hearing your heart like you were getting the story out. I felt you through her and that was very good. If you want to comment on that you can.
Andrea: My heart that you felt in the story, and I’ll be very transparent, dealing with sexual abuse and healing from sexual abuse is not going happen every night. It’s not going to happen automatically is what I’m trying to say. That’s why my tagline says ‘Broken is easy, It’s healing that’s hard.’ But when you make the first step towards healing, it begins to place you where God had intended you be. The life He intended you walk. So, to me sexual abuse is sort of like a derailment. How do I get the train back on its tracks? So, what you hear when I’m writing about Mimi is that I understand. I understand brokenness. I understand that you’re still going through the process of healing. I’m still going through the process of healing.
I’m thinking that God is taking me every day closer, closer, closer to that end of where I live beyond my violation. I live beyond my sexual abuse. I live beyond it and that’s where He’s taking me. So what’s coming out of my writing is my heart for understanding that when someone does this to you, it breaks you---I understand the brokenness. And, I understand how hard it is to be healed. And honestly, when I first wrote it, I was very technical. When I first went through the book it was very technical. I’m giving you facts. I’m giving you details, but my heart wasn’t there.
The person who helped me understand---'you know your heart isn’t in this just yet,' was my husband. I’ll give a little plug from my second book. It’s about being married and dealing with somebody who has been physically abused or sexually violated and how that affects the marriage. And so, he is walking this with me while I tell this story. And the first time he kind of read it through, he said this isn’t you. Your heart isn’t here. And I had to go back and look at some pieces and I said, ‘I’m being very technical. I’m trying to be very professional. I’m like---no, no, no. What I needed to do was to bring the emotion and passion that Mimi was feeling. And because I am a very technical person, it took me a while to even write certain words.
Terrence. Well, you definitely succeeded in that, so kudos to your husband. This team effort has really worked. You changed the title from Letters to My Molester to Released: In Search of a King. Why?
Andrea: The Letters to My Molester’s title was to me very direct. It drew an audience, so there was no doubt that had you been an abuse victim---a sexual abuse victim from childhood, you would have known what this book was about. So you definitely would have picked it up and read it. I’m going to stop there. That wasn’t a guarantee. If you were having a hard time talking about your story, then that title, I can see somebody looking at it and saying, yeah that’s my story, but I don’t want anybody to know. And so choosing to walk past it and not pick it up and not start your path of healing and not begin to heal.
I didn’t want that to happen. I just couldn’t see that happening. Advice from my editor who had just recently edited a book from someone with the same kind of story. She said, I advised them their title is a little too hard-hitting and it might alienate them from the people they’re trying to reach. I said, ok, but I wasn’t going to change my title at first. But then it seemed like the Spirit was like ok, leaving me with the thought of I do not want to lose a group of people.
Men or women who need to start healing, who need to stop doing something to someone else. And I’m not just talking sexual abuse. A lot of time we’ll see anger coming out. And now I’m angry to other people. I’m unable to connect with other people. I’m actually just downright nasty to other people because of what happened to me. We talked about childhood sexual abuse just has a lot of different tentacles that are symptoms of what happened to you. So, I didn’t want somebody to miss that opportunity because I truly believe God gave me this to minister to people.
I don’t think I need a degree in counseling to do it. I’m just telling my story. And so, just to minister to people. So, with that in mind I went to my husband and we were talking about it. I talked to a couple of other people about it. I did a Facebook survey just to get some feedback on what people would think if you saw this title on a bookshelf. And, at the end I’m telling you in the eleventh hour, I’m praying and I’m praying and the Lord speaks to me. And, I hope this ends up in the article because I want to free some people. The way the Lord speaks to you may not be the way he speaks to me. And sometimes, I think we’re looking for God’s to audibly tell us what to do. And the Lord speaks to me through His Word. I start reading His word. Sometimes in the morning, He’s just giving me so much stuff. I started putting things like Morning Med on Facebook because sometimes it’s just pouring into me. And in this instance, I had prayed should I change this title. The Holy Spirit answered me. He was silent. He was silent. It was like He was saying I really kind of think I already told you what to do. I don’t even know why we’re talking. Honestly, I told you. I don’t even know why you’re here. So, the eleventh hour we were hunting for a new name and we came up with Released: In Search of a King. How it clicks, when you finally make that decision, all of a sudden you’re at peace. And that’s how it clicked. We made that decision it clicked. And, Mimi was able to release that burden and everything that came with being sexually abused. The search for a king who was like her daddy, she found it.
Terrence: Well, even with the new title, the heart of the story is still Letters to my Molester. It’s all through it. Or, if I can say, because what I read through the story, and as you shared in the interview, to help people. So, this is not just Mimi’s story to her molester, but it is also of all women or men out there. So it should be Letters to Molesters with an ‘S.’ I’m kind of asking this in a question. You can comment. Is the book better called Letters from the Abused and Voiceless?
Andrea: I like that thought. And I do believe it is representation there. Those people who especially when you’re a child because that’s when she starts this letter writing. And that letter writing morphs as she becomes more mature. So, yes. There are people who say ‘I can’t tell. I don’t want to tell---unable to tell.’ And, this is an opportunity for something to speak for them. Here’s my vision. Here’s how I see it happening. I see it happening. I am working on a workbook that will accompany this fictional story. The fiction story is a starting place.
So if you are that voiceless person, you cannot find the words to tell your own story. But in a personal environment, in a group environment, you’re able to read through this story. Mimi’s story and see your story and how you can relate. And then, you begin to say hmm, Mimi had this experience where she just felt unworthy---not worthy of anybody. ‘You say that’s exactly how I feel. But then I see that Mimi realizes she was worthy---that’s where I want to be and how do I get there? Who do I need to talk to?’
So, my vision is while the person is having that experience, you know that self-reflection. The book is now taking that voiceless part and giving it a voice. There will be tools that they can quickly put their hands on and start that process of---this is how I get to where I know I’m worthy. It starts in the workbook. It starts in resources like RAINN and The National Center for Sexual Violence resource center. It starts in those existing resources like that, but it’s just letting them know there are things out there they can go to. The key is for you to start.
My motto is always, the most important person in your success isn’t the people who help you along the way---It’s you, because you chose to make a step. So for me that’s my vision. That’s how I see this all working. You see her story even though it is a fiction---a tale, you begin to relate to it. The other day you and I were talking about entertainment. You can see how I wasn’t writing this book for entertainment. I was writing this book so you could say---I see my story. And I see where I need to start healing.
Terrence: I think this next question you have answered throughout the interview, but I’m going to ask the question anyway. You’re book currently pointed that the problems in Mimi’s life or with someone who’s been molested, do not end with the perpetrator being caught. In television, in some movies, mostly on television the climax comes when the criminal is caught. You reveal, it doesn’t end there. I know you talked about this, so briefly elaborate on this.
Andrea: It didn’t end with him being caught. So, yes the reason why I wanted to do that because his being caught wasn’t going to help her. A lot of times we think, ok I want him off the streets so I’m not scared of him, but that doesn’t mean you’re healed. That doesn’t mean you’ve gotten past it. You’ve read the book. When you go further in the book, she has to confront him. This is not for everybody you have to be ready to do this. My constant message throughout my workbook is that if you need professional counseling, I would recommend it.
Get counseling. Get somebody to walk you through the steps of how to get healed. Get that spiritual help…for me it was receiving Christ. So, get that spiritual element that you need and the professional element that you need. But until you walk through the forgiveness piece, until you walk through the getting to ask the person the questions you want to ask. The question you want to ask, almost always one hundred percent of the time is---why? I loved you. Why would you do this to me? That’s why I couldn’t end with him being caught. I couldn’t. You wouldn’t have seen her healing.
Terrence: In the book, there is this flow. I believe everybody who reads it will see that at the beginning of every relationship that Mimi got into---whether it was male or female that eventually it was going to go sour or end in hurt. How do you answer the accusation that the one who has been abused brings their ills upon themselves. I have heard people say they brought it on themselves? Because everywhere you go, that’s the kind of people they attract. So, how do you answer that, I mean obviously that’s not the case, but how would you answer somebody that said that?
Andrea: First of all, I have to take a second, because sometimes you answer too hastily, because you’re answering emotional. I can understand why that thought process on the surface may look that way. It’s not that the person brought that on themselves. I’ll be honest. There are times, where I would’ve looked up and said---eewe, because you did this. It’s because you went to this place. It’s because you dressed that way. Maybe you brought that on yourself. And, that’s not it. That’s not it. A lot of times, when we look at relationships, they tend to, kind of, end a little bit the way Mimi was seeing how her relationships end. It’s just because the person isn’t equipped. They just don’t have the tools. They just don’t know how to function in those situations. So, the way she was searching for her king and putting herself in certain situations, it was because that was all she knew. That was her incomplete formula. So to the accusation that she brought that on herself, you have to stop for a second and put it in a different perspective. The perspective is putting yourself in her shoes for a moment. You have to realize what has happened is she doesn’t have the tools, the equipment, or sometimes even the knowledge to know how to do something different.
Terrence: You’ve talked about this also---the workbook. How will the workbook aid in the healing of those being abused?
Andrea: The way the workbook is set up, it is intended so that it gives you an opportunity to sort of taking something that happened in the book and begin to reflect on it. Structurally, it gives you some background information. When you get to a chapter and there are chapters on everything you can imagine. There’s one chapter titled---Why Did This Happen To Me? Because it’s a question, the person’s asking, specifically is asking, Why did God let this happen to me? Those questions come out---Am I broken? Did he break me? Did she break me in doing this?
So, in each of those chapters is an opportunity to kind of look at from a spiritual perspective. Look at it from the story perspective so we can a specific example of what the chapters talking about and find it in the story, in Mimi’s story and we bring it forward and then we talk about it in the workbook. The workbook is designed so that if you’re not ready for a group discussion to start your healing process, you can still do this. So we discuss it. we talk through---this is how we saw it in Mimi’s story. Here is the spiritual aspect that’s related to it and then we give you an exercise. Some of it is you’re writing your own letters. Some of it is----you’re taking a step to find somebody that you really trust. Some of these are just examples of things that might happen. You’re taking a step to find somebody that you really trust and revealing to them that this happened to you. Be careful, although it’s always about being careful. I always say my goal is to protect the victim. I would never tell you to have that confrontation with the person by yourself. You still have to see if you’re ready. But I would encourage you to do something that maybe you are avoiding to do.
Number one, out loud saying, it did happen to me. This person I trusted, my uncle, my aunt and I’m purposely using language, so it’s not all men. Men aren’t the only abusers in the world. My eyes were opened to this in another story. It was in a movie. You might remember Antione Fischer. His abuser was a woman. So that told me, women do this? So I had to go look at some research that women do this. So, to answer your question, it’s understanding that an abuser can be anybody. We just have to keep ourselves open to that, and look for the healing in that.
Terrence: Mimi’s involvement with (???) is interesting. She went to his friend’s house for the purpose of having sexual relations, but the outcome was rape. Not justifying rape, of course, can we use this to give a word of warning to girls and young women? I hope that make sense. There’s sometimes when you shouldn’t be there.
Andrea: It ties a little bit to your previous question where you asked would you put yourself in that situation. The outcome in her particular scenario was that this young man raped her. My advice to young women is sex is not love. When you follow Mimi in the story, she did not know what love was. And so her explanation and her interpretation of love was sex. In her story, this young man showed her attention. He showered her with kind words. He seemed to be on her side.
She was in college when this happened. So, especially to very young women, you have to be careful about what you call love. Sex is not love. You have to be careful about the relationships that you create. Just because somebody is giving you that pat on the back and they’re acting like you’re in their corner, the test of time will tell whether or not somebody is in your corner. So that to me is the second part.
And the third part is, I’m a stronger proponent of not having sex before marriage. I’ve seen the outcome. I’m a strong proponent of that. I would say your physical aspects, your sexuality is your gift. And even if somebody violated it, that doesn’t mean they took it away from you. It is still yours to give. So that 3 pieces of advice.
I understood your question. I get what you’re saying. Anybody would say she went to that apartment for that specific person. Please, she shouldn’t have been there. And again, not having the tools of knowing what love is and she was equivocating sex to love. And again not realizing that this man was saying all these right things to her, but she didn’t give it the test of time, To see if he was really who he said he was. And not realizing that she still had control of her sexuality. You can’t give it away. I believe it’s yours to keep until God tells you who supposed to have it and that would be your husband.
Terrence: Andrea this is not a question, but you talking about her reality of what love was, it all went back to what happened with her father. He warped the whole image of what love is. In this case it was abuse but let's just say it was no abuse at all, the point is how much a father’s love impacts a child.
I’m just saying in general. In any family whether the father is there or not. How a father shows love or creates that image of love to his children. Whether, he spends time with them. Whether, he tells them that he loves them--- impacts a child. One of the scriptures that Jesus said in John says, ‘And the Father loves the Son.’ In those words, you got to picture how much God the Father loves God the Son. it was said with confidence, ‘The Father loves me.’
The whole image of love is there. What a responsibility God has given to fathers. So even with talking about abuse, and how it is repeated, at the same time, if a man in a household never receives how to show love from his father, then he doesn’t know how to passed that down to his kids, unless there’s an intervention from God the Father.
Andrea: What I was hearing as you were saying that, I like 1 John 4, where it talks about God, is love. We can’t love like Him, were not in Him. I like that whole thing in 1 John 4 because it really gets to the heart of why God created us. To me, it is out of His love. All He ask in return is our love. And all he ask in return is we love ourselves as much as He sees us. He knows us. I want you to love yourself and love others. And that is a simplistic message to me, but we are too broken to get it.
Terrence: At the end of the book, chapter 40, Ain’t You A Christian And All. Mimi’s first encounter with her father after his release from jail. She speaks a reason why he may have molested her such as having been molested himself. How does the revelation of this book brings deliverance to the abusers? So, again going back to the abusers, how does it help these people?
Andrea: The intention of the writing the book was to help the abused. But, if a by-product, and I love for that to happen, is that someone who is an abuser reads the book and says I need to stop. I need to get help. I need to be open that’s going to be difficult. I need to confess that this is happening. I need to profess that I’m doing this may be very difficult because we are still a society that that is a very heinous crime to us.
And we do this. We say are bad evil ugly person touching a kid. Now we don’t punish it that way. We punish people for stealing more than we punish for abusing and taking away somebody’s trust. But we kind of label them a certain way. So that’s why I think for many abusers who do want to stop and they don’t want this spiritual thing on them anymore and they don’t want whatever is making them do this to another child.
They don’t want that, but they also fear the repercussion of a society that says I know you’re going through a healing process and I don’t care. You’re an evil ugly person. They don’t want that. So, I want the abusers to just be able to see the impact of what they’re doing. Maybe you don’t clearly understand because nobody’s ever told you that when you’re touching another person and you’re touching a child, there is the impact of that touch. The impact of the violation of their body. So this is what happens and I want you to see and realize and get help for yourself. And you can’t stop by yourself, especially if you have a history of doing it, and there is something in your history that is making you behave this way. You can’t stop by yourself. You’re going to need help. But I wrote the story for the victim with idea also if you’re an abuser and I would love, love, love you to see that although you only saw you touching the person, here is the impact way down the line. Here’s how it is coming out for them. You got to stop.
Terrence: So let’s go back to Andrea. Andrea, has forgiveness and resolution happened in your life?
Andrea: It definitely has. So this is where I would say that there is a piece of me in Mimi’s story that is similar. That episode where she has to go to the hospital actually happened to me. I had to include it because to me it was the most powerful piece of how to share forgiveness. Until I forgave my father, I was never completely healed. I couldn’t even begin the process of healing until I realized that I had to let go. And to let go of…not to say to forget that it happened, but really saying it doesn’t have control over who I am going forward. It doesn’t define who I am going forward. It doesn’t stop me from achieving what I need to do in Christ going forward.
It’s a little bit different for me. I went to my father’s hospital bed. My father had a history of drug abuse. I really loved my daddy. My daddy was divorced when I was young. So my relationship to him was one of those weekend visits kind of thing. And at some point, when I revealed the abused to my mother she said he can no longer be in our lives. We went through this process, but he can no longer be in our lives. So for me, I didn’t know him for a good chunk of my life after I revealed to my mother that this was happening. And when I was called in to make a decision on his life, the only thing I could think was this is my chance to show him I forgive you.
I let go of what happened and I don’t know why you did it. I’m only going on the fact that you (he) practically killed himself out of drug abuse. So I’m only going that factor that your drug abuse is coming from somewhere. You got caught up in this because you needed to get relief. It’s not the right choice, but this is what you did. I just want you to know I forgive you. And that was more for me than for him. It was like I was talking to myself, because it started my ability to heal. It started my ability to be more confident because up until then my self-esteem was in the garbage. So it really started a lot of things for me when I said I forgive you.
Terrence: Andrea, I believe I found the code in your book. In “Mimi’s” meeting her king at the church and the pastor was speaking and the text was Psalm 139. Verse 1 says, 'You have searched me O’ Lord, and you know me.' And I tell you, what I believe is the text and I’ll ask the question to follow that. It sounds like her king, course we know is Jesus, have been searching for her all along from since the days of her grandmother. Could we say that what happened to her was not the center focus, but the devil’s ploy to interrupt what God had originally called her to be? Now, I’m asking that question for you to comment on because no matter what goes on in our life, I believe whatever the situation that the enemy tries to take us all back to stay at that point of the violation and we never move forward to our destiny. So, take a moment and comment on that. On people reaching their destiny in spite of what may have happened to them.
Andrea: I’m praising God because when we first started out and I said I wanted to write the book, and the book was a few years in making. I wrote it, put it down and picked it back up, and looked at it, and put it back down so a lot of that was happening. When I finally got serious and started to shape it, I started looking at some of the marketing I wanted to put around it and the messaging. One of those things was for me, God has set for us from birth because he knew us before were even blood vessels, before we were even cells, He knew us. So that’s why one of the chapters for me in the workbook is so important to say, Why Did God Let This Happen to Me? He didn’t let it happen.
There’s a whole bunch of stuff going on around you that is part of this image of our world. But I tell you He knew it was going to happen. And so to me God has created us from the time before we were even formed and shaped. He’s created us with a proper place. This is where you’re supposed to be. This is what your life is. This the destiny, the purpose. That’s what I’ve called you to do. And to me what I written down as part of preparing for the project and part of the messaging, I wrote down that to me sexual abuse is just a derailment. It’s something intended to get you off of your proper place. To pull you out of it. And there are so many people in the world that they are supposed to be doing things that God created them to do. And they can’t, because they can’t get passed what somebody did to them. I tell you the devil is a liar. He is not going to win. And I realize me even saying this to you, he’s going to try all of these things to challenge me in my only healing process, but I don’t care because there are too many people they’re supposed to be where God told them to be. They are not in their proper place because of this lifestyle being done to them and it derailed them.
Now there are people that were able to get passed it and they done so many great things. There are great stories where childhood sexual abuse is not the end of their story. So they got passed it. But there are so many other people who have been not able to do that. So they are stuck in situations without living the full complete abundant life. That’s what John 3 tells us. They’re not living the abundant life. And I’m not talking about wealth or fame, I’m talking about that fullness of what God created you to be. They’re not doing that because of a derailment, because of sexual abuse that was done to them. The enemy does say no you can’t get pass this---and they can. I’m sorry to be emotional, but you hit on what I wrote a year or two ago, when I started thinking this thing out, what I wanted to tell people. It is just a temporary derailment. You need to start healing, so you can get back to your proper place. Your place you’re supposed to be and that thing that God created you for before you were even born.
Terrence: The code---When I read Psalms 139 verse 1, the verse said You have searched me. I highlighted the word me, and then O Lord and you know me. I highlighted the word me. When I read it and I saw the word meme. I said oh, I found the code. The code in the book---that’s the “Mimi”.
Andrea: I didn’t even see that. You know that’s going to happen. Revelation is exactly that. The first time I’m going to say Rev. T showed me this. The second time I’m going to say somebody showed me this. The third time I’m going to say, I See. But that’s awesome, because when you asked me, nobody’s asked me yet why did you name the character ““Mimi””? And, I have no explanation. One day I’m sitting there and I’m like ““Mimi””. From there that became her name. I didn’t do any research. I can’t tell you if it has a meaning somewhere. Can’t do any of that for you. It just felt like that character should be called “Mimi”.
Terrence: The Holy Ghost knew and sometimes he brings confirming words back to us. He’s given the answer before the question comes. Amen.
Do you plan seminars and workshops related to this topic?
Andrea: Actually on my website, my website is Surrenderedpen.com. As you’re aware, I chose to self-publish and we talked about why I chosen to do this. So, the name of my publishing company is Surrenderedpen.com. On there, I offer a workshop, I would like to do at any church, group setting, or anywhere. The workshop is called “Write Your Own letter”. With the idea that it’s an opportunity. I tastefully do this in a way you’re not pulling people’s story. We’re using “Mimi” as a character to talk about her experience with the idea at some point you get to write your own letter from a voiceless person with a voice now. I have been able to work through some things. To me, it’s not like you’re going to have, “I’m Healed!” That’s not the purpose of the workshop. The purpose of the workshop is to get you started. Start a path of healing and that’s just by talking about what happened.
Terrence: So, you’re working on a “Mimi Combs” series. What can your readers and our readers expect next out of Andrea Gadson?
Andrea: I always struggle about what to give away if you haven’t read the book yet. But I’m going to give away something so I’m like I want you to read the book so you can follow and walk with “Mimi”. In the book, “Mimi” gets married. And so in the second book, as I explained earlier, the idea of trying to be an abused survivor and what I’m hearing lately “survivors”. Not only am I surviving, I’m living beyond my survival and I’m surviving. So, being a survivor in marriage, it’s difficult when you’re somebody who’s in love with somebody who’s been abused. And they still are struggling with some things. And we know marriage is a place where there is intimacy in all levels that needs to happen.
And so the second book deals with something called “Broken Bonds”. And so broken vows and that’s the essence of it. And not to give any away but the idea that now “Mimi” is in a marriage and levels of intimacy that she thought she was able to deal with, is she able to deal with them? And the third book is that the couple out of the second book, they have a child, and being a sexually abused victim you become, I say this as an aunt and as a god-mom, I have no children and even me not having biological children, I am violently over-protective of them. When the come to visit me, they cannot walk out the back door without me constantly looking out the back door.
So the third book is about being a survivor of sexual abuse and having children. And the impact of those relationships and the impact of watching your children grow up. And there are some experiences that “Mimi” is going to see with other children and their parents and how she has to deal with that. So seeing these things around you and within your own family as a survivor of sexual abuse. So the third one, I haven’t thought of a name. But, the second one deals with her being married to someone who is a survivor. And the third one is the survivor having children.
Terrence: And you’re working on other projects.
Andrea: I got what you call the writing bug. I just cannot stop from wanting to write all of these projects. And I’m like Holy Spirit, how are we going get all of these done? But I do believe, in Christ we can do all things. And how the scripture says if you commit yourself to the Lord and He will guide you. I constantly talk about Lord, order my steps, and commit my plans to Him because at the end no matter what I planned He’s the one to give the last word.
All those scriptures around plans, so I know we will accomplish it the way He wants it to be accomplished. If you look on my website, there are other book projects I’m working on. I’m working on a teen book that I have been working on for like three years. It’s a young adult book and it’s called “Jubilee”. You know in the Old Testament where Jubilee is right? So this is an opportunity for a teen to be representative of Jubilee in a community that is broken. Where there is violence there are all kinds of things going on. The concept for “Jubilee” is if you had a chance to change the world would you do it? At fifteen years old would you do it? So that’s what Jubilee is and there is another book I’m working on called “The Good Man”. That’s still in the works. It’s actually a partner project with my husband. I also have a couple of non-fiction projects I’ve been working on. With me is the difference I’m seeing in America, and sort of the stand I feel as Christians we’re going to have to take. And some of our abilities for religious freedom being threaten. And so I’m working on a non-fiction book for that.
Terrence: You have a lot going on. We’re looking forward to that. I can see out of the “Mimi Combs” character story, some plays and things like that. So is that something you ever entertained or thought about?
Andrea: I have thought about it and I receive it in any form that it happens. I have thought about a movie. Amazing how the enemy tries to work on you because I thought, but yeah they did movies like Precious and Antione Fischer. My book isn’t of that nature. And then I said, what, uh uh. Didn’t we do all of those Christian movies like The Passion of Christ, the Fireproof, and the War Room---coming up. We need more Christian movies. This can be one of them.
Terrence: What I read in the first book, Mimi’s encounters after what happened to her, was different. It’s not like I saw every movie or read every book, but it was different. And like you said, it’s always room. We need more. But I would say to you be encouraged because you tell the story differently. So move forward with that, please.
Andrea: I receive it. If the Lord opens that door I will walk in through it with Him. When He opens the door He doesn’t open it for just you to walk through.
Terrence: The title of your book is called, “In Search of a King”. Has Andrea Gadson found hers? Who is Jesus Christ in Andrea Gadson’s life?
Andrea: Has Andrea Gadson found her king? Yes, I have found my king. We have had a bumpy road together. And I say bumpy because I received Christ when I was in college. And receiving Christ and walking in Christ are two very different things. So, I received him, I stilled struggled so much with being sexually abused. A little like “Mimi” I practiced a lot of promiscuity and a lot of other things that were not pleasing to Him.
So I thank Him, there were many times that I’m not supposed to be here. And, He kept me. So I received Christ and the next few years of my life were learning how to walk in Him and getting back to that proper place to be all that He called me to be. I thank Him. He is my King. And, I thank Him that He is patient with me because I’m a little hard-headed.
Part B to the question for me the scripture in Psalm 139 talks about being fearfully and wonderfully made. So in my life, Jesus Christ is the one who constantly reminds me that He sees me. He hears me and He knows me. And most of my life have been searching for someone to recognize me and to approve me. And when I found Christ, I realized that the only person I needed to please (because they already loved me for who I was) was Jesus. And so for me, He has just been that constant reminder that I am fearfully and wonderfully made---that there is nothing ill in me. Nothing nasty in me. That being sexually abused doesn’t disqualify me from anything.
That’s who He is. He is a constant reminder that I love you no matter what you look like. No matter what happened to you. I love you. He’s the lover of my soul. He made a difference in my life.